Finally translated we give you The 10 Comandonuts or Donutments!!

Our loyal follower Oriana Camish was recently doing some behind the scenes detective work on those 10 edicts which were handed down to Moses by a burning bush and have become the cornerstone of Catholicism, otherwise known as "The Ten Commandments". She very astutely pointed out, "Can you read what is on those stones?" " No." I said...neither can Charlton Heston by the look of things:

Of course, being the investigative bunch that we are at the Donut Directory, we could not let our lack of understanding of "God Speak" or Hebrew for that matter, dissuade our quest for truth.

Hence, I present to you, for the first time in history, the real translation of the 10 Commandments, from now on to be known as " The 10 Commandonuts or Donutments (if you wish)"...

1. I am the Donut-Your God

2. You shall not worship fried dough that takes a form other than donut.

3. You shall not take the name of Donut in vain

4. Remember Sundays are holy-so thou shall eat holey Donuts.

5. Honor your father and mother by bringing them Donuts.

6. You shall not murder a Donut by letting it go to waste.

7. You shall not cheat on Donuts with pies, cakes or tarts!

8. You shall not steal another's Donut- get your own!

9. You shall not speak badly about your neighbors Donuts.

10. You shall not covet your neighbors Donuts, his wife’s Donuts his servants donuts etc.

Dough-men!

A regular Donut = 1 happy person :) A giant Donut = world peace??

There are rare opportunities in life where words just can't quite do justice to what a writer wants to convey. Fortunately, whenever this happens, we can lean on the old addage "A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words". And, if an average picture is worth a thousand words, then a picture of a donut...well, that's a Mastercard commercial.

With that I give you the comic genius of the team at The Dog House Diaries. (Click on the comic to enlarge)

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 


 
http://www.thedoghousediaries.com/?p=278
 
Thanks be to god!

Elvis Discovered in Donut Factory...this story and more on Spoof.com

Every once in a while you might stumble across and idea or a story that makes you say, "Now why didn't I think of that?" Thankfully, the many individuals who contribute at Spoof.com, and the creators of the site, have come up with just such and idea; or several hundreds of these ideas.

The Spoof as an entity of the Blogosphere is described as, per their about section:

"...is one of the leading satire newspapers on the internet.

Providing an irreverent and satirical slant to the current big news stories throughout the world, bringing you more funny stories than you can shake sticks at. We rely entirely on our readers to submit stories to The Spoof. All the material on The Spoof is submitted online, welcoming all kinds of exciting ideas and style of writing and writers to publish their thoughts! Our editorial team (when not making coffee) work hard to give you the best response to your work."

Anyone who knows me knows I love to shake sticks at things; small animals, my grandmother, and of course funny stories. Nothing is safe. Now, all funny stick shaking aside, the best thing about the Spoof is that there is a whole section dedicated to Donuts, HUZZAH!



The "Donut" King

For example:

Elvis Discovered in Donut Factory

Recession hits doughnut business, cops distraught!

Donut throwing now legal

and of course...

Naked Man Found Wedged in Chimney

I know how much you were all begging for an image for that last headline, well too bad. Just sit back, kick up your feet, grab a donut and be glad that someone has the gusto to produce that wonderful gonzo journalism that makes you glad that the last time your were caught in a chimney trying to steal donuts you weren't naked. Or were you?

Donuts as bear bait...now hold on a minute here

One of the things that has never ceased to amaze me, while surfing around the net, is the strange things that can be found when entering a common search term in a site such as google or, in this case, craigslist.

Step back jack!

Last night while I was taking my usual craigslist stroll, for all manner of god-knows-what, I did the same thing I usually do when looking for interesting new donut trivia. I entered the word "Donut" in the search box. I then hit enter. To my surprise one of the first headings that popped up was a listing in New Hampshire for...wait for it... Dounts as bear bait!!! And up to 400lbs at that!

Now hold on a minute here. Not that I am denying any citizen their Second Amendment rights, or their interest in hunting if they choose to partake, but 2 very obvious issues arise immediately.

1- Using donuts as bait puts the "trapper" at a ridiculously unfair advantage. Hell, I bet they don't even need to use a trap. I mean really, like anything can resist a donut. I would practically let them trap me for a donut. All they need to do is back up the van, open the door, plug the travel fan into the cigarett lighter and let the aroma do the work. Before they know it they'll have the Bear Country Jamboree in the front seat.

2- Quantity: Where in the hell does the average individual get 400lbs of donuts for strewing around the woods willy nilly in the hopes of trapping some poor little creature defensless againts its yummy goodness. I sometimes have trouble getting a half dozen from my favorite shop because they are just so tasty that the human competition beats me to the punch; never mind the woodland creatures. Of course I can picture the scene. A 1985 Dodge Tradesman van slowly backs up to the local dunkin donuts at 2am and several buldging black trash bags are passed from the backdoor through the back of the van in a heave-ho montion. Minutes later there is a subtle chirp of the tires, a bottoming of the suspension under the shear weight and an unspectacular minor explosion of sparks as the rusty tailpipe hits the uneven pavement between parking lot and street. "Why can't they fix that driveway!?" The driver thinks as he pops asprin to stem his throbbing sciatic.

I expanded my search to Google and found that this is not only a widespread phenomenon in the Northeast but throughout the US and the world.

If you are looking for bear bait to buy simply visit: Days http://daysbearbait.com/products.html

here you will find everything Donuts to Pie Filling to Brownies and Granola. Simply see the following menu:

(Extracted from Days)

GRANOLA - in 55 gallon barrel- approximate weight 350 - 400 pounds.
DONUTS - donuts 55gallon barrel- 400lbs.+ .
BROWNIES - 55 gallon barrel- 400lbs.+
PIE FILLING- in 5 gallon pails- blueberry, strawberry, black cherry, key lime, honey almond and apple flavors.
MOLASSES- in 5 gallon pails

Or you can read the latest in Donut bait violators courtesy of the Huffington Post: "Andre Ciaravola Fined For Using Donuts As Bear Bait For Hunting" " http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:KpM-MeZPd5sJ:www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/05/27/andre-ciaravola-fined-for_n_592172.html+donuts+and+bear+bait&cd=3&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us"

Or then there is the only article that made me feel somewhat better that my beloved dough ball was being used as a trappers treat, Courtesy of the Victoria Advocate: "Bear lured from tree with doughnuts after mom shot"

http://www.victoriaadvocate.com/news/2010/jun/04/bc-us-cub-rescued/?news&nation-world

I'm of the mind to call up Tappi Bear, the famed Donut Ninja, and let his donut fighting fury rain down supreme like chocolate sprinkles on all the heads of hunters who would stoop to the depths of luring unsuspecting bears, or unsuspecting people wearing bear suits who happen to be out in a remote section of the woods, with scrumptious donuts. Where's the justice!!?

Beignet? ...Why yes, thank you.

A beignet, which is French for "fried dough" in the U.S. is a pastry made from deep-fried dough, much like a doughnut, and sprinkled with confectioner's sugar, or frostings. Versions of beignets are also popular as an appetizer, with fillings such as maple or fruit preserves.

In Las Vegas, there is one place that does the delectable French pastry like no other- Bouchon - the popular Venetian eatery opened by Thomas Keller (of French Laundry Fame).

While attending a recent conference for work I was cordially invited to brunch with several colleagues. Not expecting to find donuts, or their French cousin Beignet on the many foraging trips we partook of, I was shocked if not pleasantly surprised when the waiter asked..."Would you care to sample our Beignets?" Would I? Does a Dog want steak? Does a cat want tuna? Do we all need oxygen to breathe??? Why of course, thank you!

Upon our waiters return my colleagues, being a health conscious bunch, were at first hesitant to partake. However, the first bite was quickly preceded by a veritable stampede of fingers, knives and trail of miniscule crumbs.

Resembling the size, coloration, and weight of an Apple Cider donut, the Beignet’s slightly crunchy exterior is covered in a spiced sugar provided a perfect balance of sweet and spicy. The inner cake is light and fluffy. Ample side spreads of apricot and chocolate are provided for those who care for and extra tasty treat, or simply order the raspberry filled for one of the best little jelly donuts…I mean, beignets around. As we only ordered the cake on this trip, I'm looking forward to ordering a double of raspberry filled to compliment my espresso on the next visit!

Want great service and great Donuts?? Visit Linda's in Belmont!

For those of you who may be losing faith in quality products, and the job skills and customer service service of today's youth, you only need visit a place like Linda's to have it fully restored. As Sara explains...

Linda’s Donuts in Belmont rocks! I had the pleasure of dining at this wonderful little neighborhood spot this past weekend. I came in hungry and left full, happy and delighted! I would almost say I was astounded! The family running this shop could not have been nicer or more accommodating. I can’t remember the last time I saw counter staff being so polite and friendly. I wish I lived closer so I could see their smiling faces every morning! My world would be a better place.

I had French toast. Yummy. I had donuts. Really yummy! These donuts are so light and heavenly...some of the lightest cake donuts we have sampled. I tried a plain cake donut and a glazed donut stick. The cake donut didn’t take forever to chew or feel heavy in my mouth and was perfect for dunking. The glazed donut stick was melt in your mouth delicious! I arrived at the shop later in the morning so I didn’t have an opportunity to try any other flavors. Or so I thought!

I am a lover of lemon donuts. My man is a lover of jelly donuts. The guy behind the counter found this out and made us a lemon donut stick and a jelly donut stick on the spot! Well, all he had to do was fill em, but still, it was a very nice gesture and I couldn’t wait to gobble my lemony goodness up!

The whole feel of the shop made the experience so great. Everyone knew everyone else and although we were “outsiders” we were welcomed with open arms and served with a smile. Even after eating all those delicious carbs, I left feeling chipper and light and ready for a great day!

Be a Hero...Bring Donuts!

A very appropriate title as we have just returned from a Heroic motorcycle (basically an engine on 2 donuts) trip through the Northeast US, Canada and Michigan.

Note: when you come down from Canada, cross the Mackinaw Bridge, are craving the likes of homemade donuts and are greeted by the huge sign exclaiming DONUTS!!! Don't believe it. It's all a clever ruse to distract weary travelers into buying ice coffee and gas- no donuts to be found anywhere :(

We discovered that, in Michigan, sometimes it's best to look for what is less obvious, understated, and accompanied by fudge! Mackinaw Island and the Murray Hotel are just such examples.

For those unfamiliar with Mackinaw, it is the American island that has banned motorized vehicles for more than a century and remains a living Victorian community. The island was home to a Native American settlement before European exploration began in the 17th century. It served a strategic position amidst the commerce of the Great Lakes fur trade. This led to the establishment of Fort Mackinac on the island by the British during the American Revolutionary War. It was the scene of two battles during the War of 1812. (courtesy of Wikipedia) As a means of commerce and catering to local sweet teeth, the native tribes created maple syrup and sugar candy, this evolved to the "Fudge Trade" ,as it were, and of course donuts; the exact evolution is still dependent on missing fossil remains.

The Murray Hotel, a Mackinaw landmark, boasts just such a fudge shop. The astute donuts hero may catch the small notation on the sign out front otherwise let the fudge lead the way inside. Venturing a bit further, just past all that delicious fudge (it's tough I know) will bring you to Murray's Deli where donut Heroes are welcomed with open arms. And, if you're especially lucky you might even run into Bob- the man who taught the Murray how to make their donuts "Crunchy". "I check em every day to make sure they're crunchy." Bob excitedly explained. "If they're not crunchy, they're not donuts!"

A mixture of ring shaped cake delights will greet hungry donut seekers. Rainbow sprinkles, glazed, and peanuts with chocolate (this tastes just like champ or drumstick) are among the many cake donuts to sample from. Bob might even through you an extra if they aren't quite as “crunchy” as they should be....but they are.

As far as I am concerned we need more heroes in the world and all heroes should bring donuts. Otherwise, what's the point? I mean sure you saved civilization, but now what? Imagine saving civilization…with donuts. When Superman's dedicated fans ask "Superman how can we ever repay you?" he would reply "No need...oh and by the way...donut?" Of course the raucous applause may cause sudden hearing loss in all surrounding geographies so for now we can stick with Murray's Deli.